Passion Project Updates & Reflections

What I have learned: Creating a screenplay is a lot more than just sitting down and writing a script.

What I know: 

-There are stories in me waiting to be told. 

-Not all of these stories are fit to be transformed into films. 

-Collaborating with another person (especially one I admire so much) is scary and wonderful and challenging at times. 

-A lot more gets done when we stop waiting to be hit with inspiration and instead try to play with ideas we already have.

-We have a lot to get done.

During the past few months of school, Abhishek and I haven't gotten much writing done. In fact, much of our attention has been placed into getting ideas out and making calls as to what is worth making a movie about. It's infuriatingly difficult at times when ideas don't come or they're only partially formed, but it's a pivotal step we omitted a bit with last year's script. We're planning on extending our Passion Project to next semester and completing more of the production side of things during the last half of the year. Since I'm leaving this upcoming summer there's a sense of insistence on making this project something really special. There is so much we need to do between now and the completion of our film but ultimately, I want to create something we're proud of.

"I long so much to make beautiful things. But beautiful things require effort and disappointment and perseverance." -Van Gogh

Kanye West: The Ultimate Outlier

"For me to say I wasn't a creative genius, I would just be lying to you and to myself."

Kanye West was born June 8, 1977, growing up in Chi-Town with his single mother, Dr. Donda C.(who was the first African-American woman to be Chair of the English Department at CSU!). Mr. West even spent time in China with his mother at the age of ten while she taught at Nanjing University. Kanye displayed a love for the arts from the start, writing poetry and drawing throughout his school-age years. By the age of thirteen, he was writing his own compositions and his mother facilitated his passion by paying $25 an hour for Kanye to record in a studio. In this way, he was raised in concerted cultivation, with an incredibly supportive parent. After graduating from high school, Kanye went on to go to art school, studying painting, and later went to CSU to major in English. But after a few semesters, Kanye West realized college wasn't getting him where he wanted to go, and so he dropped out, much to his mother's disappointment. His mother later reflected, "It was drummed into my head that college is the ticket to a good life... but some career goals don't require college. For Kanye to make an album called College Dropout it was more about having the guts to embrace who you are, rather than following the path society has carved out for you." And goddamn, does that sentence embody exactly who Kanye is. 

"I refuse to accept other people's ideas of happiness for me.
As if there's a 'one size fits all' standard for happiness."

After his decision to drop out of college, Kanye started his music career as a producer, working with people like Jay-z, Alicia Keys, Ludacris, and Janet Jackson. Here he began making connections within the music industry, and though West was successful in the realm of producing, his aspiration was to become a rapper. In his song Last Call, he talks about the plight he endured in order to get signed with a label. But eventually, Mr. West did get signed with Roc-A-Fella, the record label founded by Jay-z, and here began the making of ten years of music courtesy of Yeezy. 

Kanye West is possibly the most incendiary, loud, passionate, and confident voices in pop culture at the moment. And this is exactly why I love him. In his incredible interview with Jimmy Kimmel, he stated, "You gonna love me, you gonna hate me, but Imma be me." To me, Kanye West's message of confidence and creativity overrides any immature comments he's made at award shows or in front of cameras. While he doesn't always know how to express himself in a way that's easy for everyone to grasp and digest (a bit of a lack of practical intelligence), his positivity always leaves me itching to create, to love myself, and to give something to the world beyond myself.

Throughout the ten years he's spent creating his own music, Kanye has broken down many paradigms within the genre of rap, the music industry, and the world of celebrities as a whole. There's no doubt he's an innovative and creative artist. His debut album College Dropout was quickly followed by the founding of GOOD (Getting Out Our Dreams) Music, Kanye's own record label. He then went on to create Late Registration, Graduation, 808s and Heartbreak, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (considered by many his magnum opus), and Yeezus. But West is something of a renaissance man; his efforts have expanded to many mediums including films, fashion, philanthropy, and making his own creative agency. Whether you love him or hate him, Mr.West is an incredibly successful man and he has no shortage of creative intelligence. Not only is Kanye commercially successful, but he's a living testimony of one of my favorite quotes: "An artist's only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection-and on his own terms, not anyone else's." Kanye is perceived by many to be arrogant and pleased with himself, but I'd argue the opposite; he's constantly trying to evolve as an artist, a person, and pushes his own limits-never settling for what's been done. "Now I could let these dream killers kill my self esteem/Or use my arrogance as the steam to power my dreams." 

Kanye and Aziz being the best

Kanye West has an incredible amount of talent, and not unlike the examples we've read about in Outliers, his success is not only due to this talent, but his opportunities, support, and ability to make it in the world of artists striving for perfection just like him. Kanye is an inspiration to me (and I don't use that word lightly because it sounds cheesy as hell), and to so many others. "I'm just here to make good music and make people feel good... I say things the wrong way a lot of times, but my intention is always positive. I want to help the world. I want to make people's lives easier."

Now someone get Mr.West a damn croissant. 

How to Get a Stranger to Smile (#32)

A guide on how to get a stranger to smile:

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl way
1: Go to your local grocery store on a lazy, humid Saturday afternoon.

2: Walk aimlessly through the cereal aisle.

3: Pretend you're on the set of a cheesy 70s film. Listen to the questionable song choice over the store's intercom system.

4: Begin singing softly to yourself. Snap like you're listening to a slow jazz song. Make your way to the frozen foods section.

5: Pass your reflection in the glass of the freezers and twirl a little. Walk by customers and watch smiles stretch across their faces like putty.

The Missed Connection way
1: Go to a big city in which you know almost no one.

2: Visit a coffee shop and order something.

3: Read that paperback you've been working on-the one with the dogeared-pages and yellowed pages.

4: Notice a stranger and smile in his/her/its direction.

5: Admire their returned smile and hastily leave the coffee shop because of overwhelming anxiety induced by human interaction.

The Expressive Artist way
1: Develop a talent that you use as an expressive outlet.

2: Make something you're proud of and start part of the co-creative process of making art.

3: Experience the other half of the co-creative process-that of the audience. Watch as what you've made affects them, how they bring their own experiences and stories to the one you've created. Watch them experience beauty.

RE: Joyas Voladoras (#31)

"So much held in a heart in a lifetime. So much held in a heart in a day, an hour, a moment. We are utterly open with no one, in the end--not mother and father, not wife or husband, not lover, child, not friend. We open windows to each but we live alone in the house of the heart. Perhaps we must. Perhaps we could not bear to be so naked, for fear of a constantly harrowed heart." While some thought the essay was somewhat negative, I thought it was purely true. Despite your attempts to shield out all sadness and heartache, you will eventually experience something that breaks down that fortress, and subsequently, you'll experience beauty. I don't think these are such cautionary words about the delicateness of hearts, but the inevitability of experiencing something achingly beautiful.


This essay made me think about some of my favorite human experiences, as such:

Whenever you're running that last bend in a race, you think about how easy it would be to just stop and walk. And everything is telling you you're right-it would be easier to just walk. But then your heart is beating so hard you're worried it might burst out of your chest, and your team is cheering you on and you're taking your final stride, and it doesn't burst. And once you're holding yourself up against the fence to find your time, you smile to yourself. You realize you've always felt this way. Even when you're not running.

Or the way you feel when it's midnight on a Tuesday; the world is silent, all except for that song that never fails to make your heart break a little. Memories are flooding you at a paralyzing rate and you're powerless. It's a school night, and you know you're not getting out of bed at six.

That time you heard from a friend you hadn't talked to in years, someone you thought you'd never see again. He marveled at how wondrous it was that you'd been apart for so long and still managed to remember your inside jokes.

Or those days when everything is golden. The world seems to be on your side, the sky feels so big you think it might swallow you whole, and you can't help but grin. You don't even think about the impending pile of homework waiting to stress you out. All you can bear to do is sigh and sing a little. Your heart is swelling and you're happy to the core, but not in that this is the best day of my life-way. Just in this is right where I need to be. 

"Every creature on earth has approximately two billion heartbeats to spend in a lifetime." And I like how I've spent mine so far.

The Quotables (#30)

Our favorite quotes can give us a lot of insight into where we are in life, who we are as people, etc; you connect to words that are relevant to you.

I saw Lost in Translation during winter one year, and since then it's stuck with me. There are so many memorable quotes from it, and it's an overall beautiful film. Also, Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson are in it, and it doesn't get much better than that.

"The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you." 






















I found this next gem on Tumblr. Needless to say, it's beautiful.

Pretty much everything in this poem makes my heart explode, but that one line,"This is how you make me feel...like honey and trombones." That gets me. The imagery is amazing; his voice, piercing, and the minimalistic strumming makes it all sort of magical.

What Did You Learn Today in School? (#29)

In algebra I learned that even the seemingly flawless use cheats sometimes. And I kind of really love math. In gym I learned that you’ve got a guaranteed A if you give your teacher chocolate-covered pretzels. And there’s something really gratifying about your gym teacher calling you Trin after you’ve run the mile, like “Oh, I’m so glad you feel like you’ve gotten to know me well enough to call me by a nickname I never approved”. But really. It feels good. In english I learned... In French I learned that sometimes all it takes is a little tugging to get even the hardest teachers to come around to you. I mean, it’s alright. I can conjugate verbs now, so. In history today I learned that every time you try to make an argument about the double standards women face, there is always a comment immediately afterwards that justifies feminism. Always. And Jimface will never not be my favorite thing. In art I learned that some people like to live up to preestablished stereotypes. And I still suck at sculpting, as much as I remembered. In music and media I learned that if you read American classics, you will gain a legion of adoring teachers. Also, group projects are the worst. In science I learned that if you laugh at a teacher’s corny jokes, they’ll love you forever. I will always be the bossy science lab leader. And in Rogate I’ve learned more than I can put into words.

That’s not to say I haven’t learned a lot in each of these subjects. But the experiences I’ve had in them sometimes seem to outweigh learning how to construct an open-ended response. I can’t wait for college when I’ll be able to take courses that I’m truly interested instead of having to think, Oh I guess I’ll learn that next year. I still haven’t figured out how to look attractive while eating a burrito, so I guess that’ll be a goal for high school.

Talk Good to Me (#28)

The grammatical errors in my title are intentional, I assure you.

The fact that I'm having difficulty choosing just one person that I think embodies the goodness of humanity makes me win the argument. So I'll tell you a story.

Last year, I had this amazing piano teacher. I mean, she was literally awe-inspiring in everything she did. A Russian immigrant, Ms Yana was a passionate pianist that was not only a great teacher to me, but a life coach, sort of. It was one of my first few lessons with Ms Yana, and I was practicing a piece by Mozart when she stopped me. "You're playing it all wrong-you need to put more heart into it. You're playing so nicely, but there's no emotion behind it. I can tell you're letting your inhibitions get you-you're afraid of what's inside you." I'm not kidding. I'd had, what, two lessons with this woman and she already had me figured out more than people I'd spent the past few years with.

What I'm saying is, you don't need a Nobel Peace Prize to be a humanist. Maybe it's just someone that makes something that draws a laugh out of you, a smile you didn't think you needed-small acts that restore some hope in you. One of the most beautiful things about humanity is our ability to empathize. Sometimes the people that are doing the most good are just the ones that are listening, being aware.

As a whole, I think humanity is beautiful. Infinitely flawed, but beautiful.

Thank you for the enlightening posts, Daisy.

Real stealthy of you.

Humanity: A Photo Essay (#23)

For my photo essay, I wanted to focus on humanity-what it means to be human, what makes it worth being human, and the things that remind me of my own humanity. All that great glass-half-full stuff. I wanted to portray humanity without using photos of people, though. At least not candid photos of people. In each of the photos I've selected for this essay, one of two things is demonstrated: emotion or motion. The two main focal points of life.


And because Prezi doesn't want me to write lengthy paragraphs, I've turned this into a blog post.

1) "Curtain Call"- One of my very favorite things in the world is going to the movies. Whenever I watch a good movie, I'm reminded of my own humanity-whether I'm intellectually or emotionally stimulated. A few of my favorites are The Royal Tenenbaums, Amelie, Synecdoche, New York, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Each of them evokes a really unique emotion or mindset for me. Thus, movie theaters are sort of heaven for me.

2) "Dear Stranger"-Where I lived last, there was this great used book store that my family went to almost every weekend. I could pretty much always count on there being some little trinket in one of the books I picked up-a note to a friend regarding the book, a phone number, ambiguous annotations. It was a treasure trove of quirky little insights into the lives of people I'd never meet or personally know. But I guess through that one little note, our stories were somehow connected.

3) "Profane Vandalism"-After a light snowfall in Manhattan, vandals took to the streets and immortalized Alex in a profane fashion. Poor Alex will have to deal with the repercussions of an unflattering public portrayal. (except dorks aren't all that bad)

4) "Freeway Flow"-I can't adequately express how much I love driving without sounding hyperbolic. There's something about the perpetual forward motion that really gets me."...You think only about driving - not coming from any place; not arriving any place. Just driving, counting off time. Now you are here, at 7:43. Now you are here, at 7:44. Now you are...gone." The way we pass each other without taking much notice, instead getting caught up in the route to our own destination summarizes so much of our lives.

5) "Waiting to Know"-I loved that this pair of raw, somewhat weary hands conveyed so much emotion without a face. Tested patience is such a universal thing and we spend so much of our time waiting for things that never come. A bit of a stark picture, but not without hope.

6) "Star Trail"-There's this type of photography known as star trail that uses long exposure to document the motion of stars throughout the night. This photograph in particular took 90 minutes of footage to string together. The whole concept reminded me something in a Kurt Vonnegut book; this idea of time being a series of snapshots that we can revisit at any time. A string of photos almost that compose your life.

7) "Pursuit of Happiness"-This final photo is probably my favorite. Taken in Italy, this photograph documents a young boy looking out on Rome. I think it perfectly portrays the persistent hopefulness of humanity-the sort of yearning for things that seem so far out of reach, and the determination that if we just had that one thing, we'd be happy.

One Man's Trash (#22)

After watching the documentary Waste Land, I was drawn to the idea of capturing the "human factor". The experiences these people shared with each other among trash was heart-warming (yes, I just used that term, what of it?). There was something really stark about the contrast between the humor and lightness the catadores shared, and the unfulfilling labor at the recycling center. There was a great moment in the documentary when Vik's collaborator pondered over how inaccurate their original assumption that the workers were happy with their jobs really was. It was clear that the workers yearned for something more, though they were content in the moment with each other.

Magna's portrait,"The Gypsy Magna-Pictures of Garbage"

The worker, Magna, had a story that struck me a lot. A hard-working employee at the recycling center, Magna regarded her job as something to be proud of. As she put it, "at least I'm not turning tricks in Copacabana". In fact, not soliciting their bodies was something a lot of women at Jardim Gramacho took pride in. Comparatively speaking, working amongst the trash was dignified. At the end of the documentary, Magna left her husband. Her story was powerful; she stated that she had felt like an obsequious mule before, and after leaving her husband felt liberated. Personally, I found Magna's portrait to be the most beautiful. There's something magnetic and graceful about Magna's warm personality and expression-and beyond that, something deeply strong.

I couldn't help but smile when I saw the catadores' reactions to their portraits. It was clear that the workers were touched by the fact that Vik Muniz was representing them-making them artwork, as Tiao put it. It's amazing to me that through the work of Vik Muniz, the workers and everyone that bought the portraits, were able to find beauty in what was normally regarded as just trash. And I guess sometimes that's what it takes-an outsider to point out the beauty in the things you typically overlook.

Photograph by Vik Muniz, courtesy of Vik Muniz Studio

Delicate (#21)

Groundbreaking Feet

According to the Word English Dictionary, delicate is used to describe something of a soft or fragile beauty. So of course my initial idea was to take pictures of my feet, which I am deeply in love with. My feet exhibit an exquisite sort of beauty, in my humble opinion.

Title credits go to Abhishek for that one. Kind of an ingenious pun. I think the way the sunlight is streaming through my window really elevates the beauty of my feet. If you look really closely, you can see small, illuminated specks of dust floating around. It's like, pretty existential, bro.

Then I decided to create a stop motion film after being inspired by a great quote in a really awful book. I liked the idea of making these really delicate paper cranes from something so indignant. It resulted in a short 1-minute film that I'm really proud of. I should mention that it was SUCH A PAIN to edit, but the end result couldn't be more pleasing to me.

Bill and the Sagittarius (#20)

3.5.13

(In a bar somewhere in Chicago, two men in their late twenties lament about their mundane problems and celebrate the meager happiness in their lives. All over a few beers.)

Bill: She was the type of person that got tattoos that say "peace" or something in Chinese. 

Ray: You're kidding me. (has a tattoo of marijuana on his neck)

Bill: Not even. And you know what's really rich? 

Ray: Hmm?

Bill: She said she was a Sagittarius within ten seconds of introducing herself.

Ray: HAHAHA!

Bill: That just about made me get up and leave and make her pay for her damn tempeh, but, you know...

Ray: I know. But you're a nice guy.

Bill: Something like that. 

Ray: How do you mean?  

Bill: I don't know. She was just...different, I guess.

Ray: Oh god. Don't get all sentimental on my ass.

Bill: (lets out a nervous chuckle, resolving in hearty laughter) It's not that. I mean, she was just cool, okay? She made goofy faces without being self-conscious. She laughed at my corny jokes and was whip-smart. She didn't mind just being silent when we walked throughout the city. I don't know...she was different.

Ray: (raises an eyebrow and snickers) You're a fool in love, my friend.

Bill: (pulls out the photo booth pictures he and said girl took the day before) I mean, just look. 

Ray: (sips on his beer and continues to smirk) Look, you don't need to defend yourself or anything to me. You wanna go and live the romantic comedy of your dreams, be my guest. Just tell me what I can do to ensure you never make that face again.

(the two laugh and leave the bar) 

(Bill and the Sagittarius continue their relationship for a solid year until the girl leaves for art school in Europe)

(so it goes.)

(the picture still serves as a souvenir of the memorable night)

I found this photo courtesy of http://www.randomselectioninrandomimage.com/
This short little dialogue was something I'd written about a week ago in my English class when I got bored, but not knowing how to incorporate it into something larger, I decided to scrap it. Here it is again, with something of a story to tell now. Maybe it'll become something even grander someday. We'll see.

Spontaneous Moments (#19)

There was a plethora of awe-inspiring photos at boston.com, but the photo that resonated with me the most was this one.

In the photo is a Marrakech traveler riding through the streets in mid-morning. The scene was captured by a cinematographer on the set of ABC's Born To Explore.

The crepuscular ray of sunlight in the photo looks like something out of a dream. The color scheme is rich and warm, the textures and patterns within it enticing, and the use of light. THE USE OF LIGHT. I can't get over it. It's a striking photo. What really caught me was that it was something so ordinary. A very mundane and normal scene was captured as something so much more.
And perhaps that's what I like best about this photo-it's, as the category states in which it won, a spontaneous moment. There's nothing posed or unnatural. It was simply a small moment that someone took the time to notice the beauty in.
I'd love to find out more about the person being photographed. If I could, I would ask him if he was aware of how sublime the moment was. So often, I wonder if the beauty of a moment being photographed is a consciousness shared by the photographer and the person in front of the camera.

Photo Credits to John Barndhardt

Kalopsia (#18)

Kalopsia (n.): a state in which something is perceived as more beautiful than it truly is

At first glance, the scenery outside was pretty dull. Out of the five photos I took, four of them were just portraits of the various uninteresting objects one might expect to find in the area surrounding a middle school in February. But as the sun came out and perfectly hit a bush, I decided to seize the serendipitous moment and document it. Since that's the whole point of photography. I ended up with this.

I'm pretty proud of it. Someone said to me,"You have the ability to take something really ordinary and make it look beautiful". This kind of struck me because the book I'm currently reading talks about the same thing-an art curator takes these paintings and turns them from objects of beauty to objects of value, leaving the reader to wonder if it's truly she who is the object of beauty. Not that I regard myself as an object of beauty but, you know...I do. I'll stop drawing parallels between myself and fictional characters now.

Looking In (#17)

Looking in at my typewriter

I really wanted to capture the delicacy of each hammer within the typewriter. Initially I was thinking I could use my binoculars (The ones my parents gave me for Christmas. I know, I'm still trying to figure out what they were trying to tell me.) but I realized that would be both creepy and hipstery, so I decided not to pull a Suzy Bishop.
On a side-note, I'm really happy with the way the light is hitting the typewriter. Yay for chiaroscuro. 

Color (#16)

Our photo challenge today was color. All of these photos have very bold colors in them that I appreciate. I apologize in advance for how narcissistic this first picture is but I was in the mood for a dramatic self portrait. And as Belle and Sebastian say,"colour my life with the chaos of trouble".

Your Lips Are Red

Organizing your books by color is soooo 2012.

While not recent, this next photo is a favorite of mine for its lightness. The colors of the sun in the background give everything a romantic golden hue.

Eternal Summer

Texture (#15)

I'm still deliberating whether this is overtly pretentious and hipstery or not. 

To preface, I should say that I really don't believe in making up my bed. About 99% of the time, my bed is just a ball of sheets and blankets. So as I tried to look around with an artistic eye, I decided that the sheets on my bed vaguely resembled waves. The natural thing to do next is, of course, make an origami boat and take a photo of the scene. I feel like if there were an art gallery for this picture, Daniel Johnston songs would be playing in the background. Or maybe Come Sail Away? I was going for a Where the Wild Things Are feel.

I call it Wanderlust, or more accurately, Trinity Has A Completely Disorganized Room In the Name of Art. 

Underneath (#14)

In which Trinity tried to take a decent picture to encapsulate the photo challenge: underneath. 

I was staying in the vein of "underneath" as a visual representation of vulnerability; the not-so-obvious things we don't ordinarily see. This resulted in the sharing of a very personal collection of mine-what might look like a random box of junk to anyone else is really a typewriter case holding some of my most prized possessions. 

A small typewriter case holding tangible associations with my memories: lots of letters, photos, hall passes, playlists,  candy wrappers, and plenty of sticky notes. 

RE: What the World Eats (#13)

My family eating a dinner of wild rice soup, corn, and chicken

So, we've been studying what the world eats in Rogate recently, through the medium of photos.

My own family typically spends about $150 on food per week. Staple dishes and food items of ours include burritos, honey wheat bread, lentil soup, tostadas, atole, pomegranates, and baklava. My dad, the health nut of the family, once went on a fast with me wherein we consumed only Macintosh apples for four days-once every month for half a year. This was after he'd read Steve Jobs' biography, who apparently did the same thing (hence the company name Apple). I guess you could say we're a bit experimental with our dietary choices at my house.

Few things I love more than food,  my family, and friends, so whenever we get together and eat with people, it's always enjoyable for me. In particular, we had friends where I lived last that were from Turkey. We had bonfires all the time in summer with them, feasting on dishes with names I couldn't pronounce and what came to be my favorite dish of all time-baklava. There's just something about being with the people you love, eating, and socializing that makes me feel alive. As always, it's interesting to see how my own life and small traditions compare with those of others. In some ways, seeing all the different plates from around the world made me want to venture out to different diets and maybe let go of the questionable foods.

But I'm still not giving up my burritos.

Love//Fear//Pockets (#12)

In response to questions asked throughout Life in a Day, I made this video.

I had a really hard time not talking about all these things that I love, because I really want to talk about everything. But, you know, I'm pretty sure it would've been mainly comprised of me rambling about James Franco.

Life in a Day brought up so many new observations and realizations the second time I watched it. It was such a beautiful celebration of humanity and life. There was a scene throughout all the clips of people talking about their fears-someone said that they feared closeness with people because of the impending idea of losing them. This resonated with me so much; almost yearning not to meet people because of the thought that you'll inevitably have to part ways. Even so, I think I have to get over that fear and enjoy the time that I have. (since when have I been all sentimental?)
Another scene that really struck me was the final one. There were so many contradictions in what the girl was saying, from the surface. But I completely identified with that feeling, the sense of a grander perspective despite your own meager struggles. It may not have been the best day of her life, but it was the best day of someone's life.
With that I bid you farewell. Ciao, kids.

Foolish Ambition Makes Films (#11)

A sense of community. Making something beyond yourself. Telling stories. (Imagine someone saying this really dramatically in one of those solemn, self-righteous, annoying commercials with like, Brad Pitt.) 

So I'm making a film. Abhishek is collaborating with me. 3 months, no crew, a vague idea, and a hell of a lot of foolish ambition.
Materials: I'm planning on using my Nikon camera to shoot the film, tripod, and my laptop to edit the film as well as write up the screenplay.

Anticipated Obstacles/Roadblocks: Time management, people-management, and maybe a fear of making something absolutely horrible? We'll go with finding good, willing actors. I'm flexible on the 'good' part.
People to consult: Brandon Monokian, a playwright in New Jersey, maybe? Definitely some outside sources (Ms Mystrena) to edit along the way. I think I'll be watching a lot of films within these next few months for some sort of inspiration and I'll probably get a copy of Filmmaking for Dummies. We'll see how this goes.
"I have no idea what I'm doing, but incompetence has never stopped me from plunging in with enthusiasm." I feel ya, Woody Allen.
But all great artists and geniuses have small beginnings, right? I'll just keep telling myself that and hope this doesn't go down in flames.

So You Want To Be a Filmmaker? (#10)

I’m not here to complain about the unjust double standards that women are held to or the “thin-spiration” messages that are sent to girls through so many ads, although those are real and prominent issues that many women and girls have to face,  along with many other hindrances. I’m more focused on ways that we can improve and are improving these problems that women face, particularly in creative work fields. Do me a favor and think of your favorite movie. Chances are, the movie you just thought of was directed or written by a man. I know my favorite movie is. Now try thinking of a movie directed by a female with a female protagonist. I’m guessing you headed for the romantic comedy section and were a little confused when- the Sex and the City series was created by a man? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for guys writing stories with female protagonists, but seeing that so many industries are dominated by men can be a little disheartening for ambitious young women out there. Fewer than 10% of film directors are women and less than 15% or screenwriters are women. Six percent of today’s films are created by women.Think about that-we are missing half of the population’s stories.  A little daunting to try to start a living in the film industry when the statistics are less than in your favor.
I want to make films when I grow up. I realize that’s a lot to hope for, and if I do make it in the film industry, there are going to be a lot of soul-crushing nights spent alone with a tub of ice cream and a general lack of inspiration. But at least having the opportunity to create what I love and make a living off of that is enough for me. Being successful is another story. I’m not begging for men to back down from the pedestal they have in the film industry. All I  want is for women to be celebrated and for female talent to be fostered-because more representation and diversity in the arts just means more quality. And that creates for better movies for everyone.
There are amazing organizations established exactly for this purpose, Bird’s Eye View being one of them. Their mission is to acclaim new female talent through film festivals and workshops for women. There are ongoing efforts to support female film directors, and I’m hoping to see more of that. I think of the greats out there-Sofia Coppola, a female filmmaker who challenges the barrier between male and female film directors; Lena Dunham, a personal inspiration of mine, who stars and writes her own show, Girls; as well as the fabulous Tina Fey. I look at these women who create so fervently and know that I want to be a part of that. I know there must be more than just 10%. I know there are more aspiring filmmakers out there.
I’m just hoping for the day when interviewers will no longer ask what it feels like to be a female director, a female comedian, a female writer. Someday there will no longer be a boundary between male and female creators. And I’ll be a part of it.

To a Year Without Resolutions (#9)

2012. The year (for me) of the Olympics memes, election year idiocy, goodbyes, hellos, and maybe most importantly-adapting. A year ago I was a pretty aimless seventh grader drunk with the notion of living without goals and expectations. A year ago I didn't know anyone at this school existed. A year ago, I thought I was content. And I guess I was, but I'm not one to enjoy placid complacency much. A year later, and I'm just the same old soul that's read a few more books, sang a few new songs, and visited a few new places. So it goes.

I left my home of four years because I had to, and hoped that I could reinvent myself, a self which I had grown a little bored of. Pretty early on, I realized that doing so was a lot easier in theory. Within just a month of being here I concluded that the idea of "letting go of the past" was some BS that people write in self-help books because it sounds nice. I'm not bitter. Not to go all Holden Caulfield on you, but you really can't just wake up one morning and decide to erase your past. I've seen Eternal Sunshine and moved enough to know that.

Not all of my epiphanies (if you are so generous to call them that) were all so cynical this year. I found that this past year was pretty excellent for me-with plenty of highs and lows, as is the case with every year. But I think in the soul-crushing, dreadfully long months of the summer, I came to find something really important for me; I'm not my surroundings. While where I live does play a large role in my life, I'm still my own person. Happiness isn't something I can find in the political boundaries on a map, nor in people. Happiness is something I can create for myself. At the end of the day, it's really not the place-it's the person. I'm ever-changing, ever-learning, ever-growing-figuring it out as I go, and maybe that's the fun of it all.

So as the clock found its way to the beginning of a fresh year, I found myself reflecting on my life through a series of inner-montages that I'd created in my head like any other normal teenager. Right? I'm not the type of person to throw myself into resolutions. I'm neither pro-resolutions nor anti-resolutions. I'm pro-make-it-a-damn-good-year-no-matter-what. And maybe not even "good", because who can control the circumstances they're thrown into? Maybe just make it a memorable year.

I don't have a resolution, partly because I'm perfect, but also because I'm more into the idea of setting small goals for myself. Like writing more, and improving social skills, and maybe becoming at least a little more organized (but let's be real, who am I kidding?). To quote Mindy Kaling,"Maybe I'll do one of those Eat, Pray, Love things. Ugh, I don't wanna pray. Forget it, I'll just die alone." I suppose mainly I just want to create more. Create things that I'm proud of and hope that other people enjoy those things. That is my happiness.

Happy New Year, guys.