To a Year Without Resolutions (#9)

2012. The year (for me) of the Olympics memes, election year idiocy, goodbyes, hellos, and maybe most importantly-adapting. A year ago I was a pretty aimless seventh grader drunk with the notion of living without goals and expectations. A year ago I didn't know anyone at this school existed. A year ago, I thought I was content. And I guess I was, but I'm not one to enjoy placid complacency much. A year later, and I'm just the same old soul that's read a few more books, sang a few new songs, and visited a few new places. So it goes.

I left my home of four years because I had to, and hoped that I could reinvent myself, a self which I had grown a little bored of. Pretty early on, I realized that doing so was a lot easier in theory. Within just a month of being here I concluded that the idea of "letting go of the past" was some BS that people write in self-help books because it sounds nice. I'm not bitter. Not to go all Holden Caulfield on you, but you really can't just wake up one morning and decide to erase your past. I've seen Eternal Sunshine and moved enough to know that.

Not all of my epiphanies (if you are so generous to call them that) were all so cynical this year. I found that this past year was pretty excellent for me-with plenty of highs and lows, as is the case with every year. But I think in the soul-crushing, dreadfully long months of the summer, I came to find something really important for me; I'm not my surroundings. While where I live does play a large role in my life, I'm still my own person. Happiness isn't something I can find in the political boundaries on a map, nor in people. Happiness is something I can create for myself. At the end of the day, it's really not the place-it's the person. I'm ever-changing, ever-learning, ever-growing-figuring it out as I go, and maybe that's the fun of it all.

So as the clock found its way to the beginning of a fresh year, I found myself reflecting on my life through a series of inner-montages that I'd created in my head like any other normal teenager. Right? I'm not the type of person to throw myself into resolutions. I'm neither pro-resolutions nor anti-resolutions. I'm pro-make-it-a-damn-good-year-no-matter-what. And maybe not even "good", because who can control the circumstances they're thrown into? Maybe just make it a memorable year.

I don't have a resolution, partly because I'm perfect, but also because I'm more into the idea of setting small goals for myself. Like writing more, and improving social skills, and maybe becoming at least a little more organized (but let's be real, who am I kidding?). To quote Mindy Kaling,"Maybe I'll do one of those Eat, Pray, Love things. Ugh, I don't wanna pray. Forget it, I'll just die alone." I suppose mainly I just want to create more. Create things that I'm proud of and hope that other people enjoy those things. That is my happiness.

Happy New Year, guys.